Bank insists customer service will not suffer as entire call centre outsourced to family of badgers

The Evening Harold

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Bank of Harold bosses have dismissed as ‘scaremongering’ union claims that customer service would be affected following the bank’s move to replace all call centre staff with a large colony of badgers.

Bank chiefs insist that it is unrealistic to expect to pay human wages in the current economic climate, and point out that the considerable savings made will be sufficient to safeguard the bonus structure for several years to come.

“The real beauty of the plan is that badgers don’t require money,” explained CEO Howard Bing. “In fact, they have no concept of finance whatsoever, preferring an entirely slug- and beetle-based economy, where immediate consumption is very much the norm. And with the slug/pound exchange rate where it is right now, we’re quids in.”

When pressed to give greater assurances around customer service, Bing insisted that language skills would not be an…

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